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- 2 hours ago
I felt like a warrior yesterday.
I’m sitting in my therapy room, white and blue and I just feel calm.
No brain spotting. Just talking about setting boundaries I’m finally ready to set.
Me: I haven’t had an anxious day in weeks.
*tearing up, in awe of this reality.
If you’re new here, I’ve been doing a treatment called brain spotting.
It’s a trauma treatment that treats the root cause of pain, emotions, anxiety, depression.
For 25 years I wore an armour that really made me invincible. I could get through anything.
Then I got married, the greatest day of my life.
all of a sudden, I felt safe.
You’d think safety is great. It was.
But it lowered that armour.
Then, I walked into 2019 with my head high, I was going to live this year for me, letting their shit no longer take over my days.
You’d think that would set me free. It did.
But it came with complete vulnerability as that armour completely dropped.
25 years of emotions started to surface.
7 months I was in what felt like a fog.
Anxiety. Then depression. Then anxiety.
I couldn’t do work.
I would wake up feeling more tired than I went to bed.
I lost my appetite.
But the hardest one? it was a workout just to take a full breath.
Some days I didn’t have one at all.
I was confused.
Asking why I was such a failure, why I was struggling so much to do my work.
Why I couldn’t stay focused,
Or why I felt so horrible.
Sitting in that room yesterday, breathing full breaths, relaxed and talking about something that had me clenching every muscle in my body just a few weeks ago,
She gets wide eyed, stops me in the middle of my sentence,
“ITS WORKING! This is healing!”
I felt like a warrior🏹
Im not really sure why I feel compelled to tell you this.
Maybe because it tugs at my heart knowing mental health is so real, and so hard.
Maybe to give what I went through a purpose.
But whatever it is, I’ve just spend the last two hours coming up with these words to share.
Vulnerability made me weak, opened me up to pain for so many years.
It’s not something I’m used to wearing.
But in the last few months, I’ve never felt stronger than when I’m being vulnerable.
You need to know,
You’re not alone✨